Spirit Filled Chef Refuses to Bow to Pineapple. LEEZURD PEOPLE Cry Foul

Image: original AI illustration created for Doctrine Matters. It is not an actual photo of the people or event in this story.

SATIRE. Real news first. As reported by The Guardian and the BBC, Italian chef Davide Tamburella was sacked from La Costa in Brisbane, Australia, after he refused to put pineapple on pizza. He said it was an insult to his culture. Australia's Fair Work Commission later threw out his challenge because the filing was late. That much is true. What follows is Doctrine Matters satire.

In our completely serious reading of the story, Tamburella is a true Spirit filled man. He stood in that kitchen like Daniel refusing the king's meat, and like the three Hebrews who would not bow to the image. When the pineapple was set before him, he did not flinch. "Be ye not conformed to this world" (Romans 12:2). Amen, and hold the Hawaiian.

A local LEEZURD PEOPLE spokesman, speaking from under a heat lamp at a pizza buffet, allegedly hissed that pineapple is "inclusive," "vibrant," and "the fruit of the age." He then demanded pineapple in the communion cup, pineapple on the church barbecue, and a soft lighting package for the sanctuary. We have no comment except Matthew 7:15: "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Or in this case, ravening reptiles with a fruit knife.

A fictional First Church of the Frozen Crust issued a statement calling Tamburella "a man of conviction who would not bow to the fruit," and inviting him to cook for the next fellowship supper, provided nobody brings a can of Dole. The statement closed with, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord, and we will not serve pineapple on pizza" (see Joshua 24:15, loosely applied by satirists).

Look, the real Fair Work ruling was about a late application, not a divine verdict on toppings. But if the culture can fire a man for standing on principle over pizza, Bible believing Christians ought to notice how soft we have gotten on things that actually matter. "Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong" (1 Corinthians 16:13). Stand fast. Skip the pineapple. Spot the LEEZURD PEOPLE.

For the actual news report this satire is riffing on, watch News24's report on YouTube.

Doctrine Matters Satire. This story is made up to make a point. Mostly.

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